Updates/Additions to Suicidal Sam - Compendium I - May 2, 2016
15 stories added:
And The Light Shows How Broken You Are by Celestialfeathers
This is Sam Winchester's life. Take it as you will.
A Second To Last Chance by AngstyAly
Sam Winchester shot himself nine years ago, leaving Adam and Dean to pick up the pieces of their lives and take on their father's hunt for the yellow-eyed demon. Now they've been zapped back into the past, just in time to stop their teenage brother from pulling the trigger. WIP
Doesn't go to Stanford AU
Fade by InTheCompanyOfDragons Sam knows he has dreams outside of hunting... His escape is the acceptance letter in the bottom of his bag. But he can't leave his family. His choice to stay leads to a whole new world of pain for the Winchester's, leaving them to wonder of Sam should have left his family behind him. finished May 1 2016 :)
Five Times Dean Doesn't Kill Sam and One Time Sam Begs Him to (again) by sarahjeanne21<5 + 1 set in season 5, directly from the point they're zapped onto the plane. There are some miscommunication after the voicemail, Sam thinks Dean wants to kill him. WIP
Testing Lucifer's promise
Come On, Oblivion by gothpandaotaku
Dean's left him, and well... Sam has nothing but Oblivion to look forward to.
Each Our Own Devil by tohereandnow (also here)
I will kill myself before letting you in. And I'll just bring you back. Sam takes Lucifer at his word and Dean kills monsters. They learn that they keep each other human. Set primarily after 5x03 and 5x04.
Knocking on Death's Door by dark_shadow85Sam's depressed after he finds out he's Lucifer vessel. During Dean's time in the future. Sam decides to test Lucifer's theory and see if he really will bring him back, but the angels find him first and refuse for the 'tainted one' to complete such a sinful action. Once Dean comes back and tries to call Sam, Sam doesn't answer.
It Ends When You Can't Take It Anymore
Crazy by gothpandaotaku
Post 7x2 "Hello Cruel World. Hallucifer encourages Sam to put a bullet in his head one more time. This time, Sam listens.
Dean has other ideas.
Skin by DeansUnderageBoyfriend
Dean left Sam alone at another trashy motel. That's alright with Sam, until Lucifer starts taunting him. He can handle it though, he just needs to hold out until Dean gets back. Right?
Nothing But The Truth by glowystars325
While on a hunt, Sam accidentally gets more than he bargained for when he asked for the truth.
Sam and the Eternal Quest for Absolution by sarahjeanne21
Sam's guilt is eating him inside out and he likes his brother a little too much. WIP
Fallout by hwficjournal
From Prompt: I want Cas! Lucifer raping Sam in the bunker. I want Lucifer taunting Sam how it is his fault that he had to possess Castiel because he wouldn't say yes. I want Dean finding Sam later battered and raped. Then I want a lot of hurt Sam and comforting Dean. If you can throw an attempted suicide there it'd be awesome but it isn't necessary.
None of the Above ALL of the Above
Deep in the Meadow by AFlushedKindOfLover
If Sam was quite honest with himself, there were a lot of things he was afraid of. Losing Dean, losing his autonomy, relapsing on demon blood.
But really, the worst thing he was afraid of was himself.
Let It Go by anon
From prompt:When Sam stepped out of hunting after the leviathans, he thought he was making the right call. Everyone gets to retire sometime, right? Even priests? He'd served an eternity of torture in Hell, come out of it only watch his entire family killed - even people like his grandfather he'd never had a chance to know. Lost his mind when the only angel he believed in broke it wide open. Fought evil so huge and powerful that destroying it took away his father figure, took away his brother, took away the angel, took away his future - he couldn't even go into any big city after the killing spree the leviathans had gone on wearing his and Dean's faces. Back at the height of being crazy, he'd wanted to kill himself, and the feeling had never really gone away, of being trapped, doomed. He couldn't kill himself, that would be unforgivable, might even send him back to hell. Dean was already getting his retirement up in heaven; surely Sam deserved the same on earth?
But apparently, he thought wrong. Dean's words cut him to the core; there's no out of this life, there's never going to get to be one. Dean doesn't need him, can barely stand to be around him, told him in one year a monster was better at being a brother than him. So Sam's done the unforgivable already; what's one more unforgivable thing?
Someone - Cas, Benny, Kevin, even Dean - realizes how close Sam is to killing himself, and how starved he's been for feeling loved and valued. Can be sex or just kissing and physical contact.
Sam in the Fog by excoyote(also here)
Sam feels distant and disconnected from his emotions. He decides to end his life. Dean brings him back to himself.
Updates/Additions to the Suicidal!Sam Compendium II
Added 1 story.
It Ends When You Can't Take It Anymore
Unsteady by HalfwayToHell
Soon after Sam's soul is returned to his body and he becomes plagued with hallucinations of Lucifer, Sam isn't sure how much longer he can take it. Sam doesn't see a reason to keep fighting anymore and this leaves Dean ripped open.