ithuriel788: beetle (beetle)
If you are keeping up with ohsam! and/or spn_kinkmeme, you'll already recognize these authors.

Lennelle (Livejournal, Fanfiction, AO3)
hugglewolf (Livejournal)/huggles (AO3)
HazelDomain (AO3)

These authors have all come on the scene in the last 12-18 months and produced some really good fic, much of it hurt!sam.

I've been seeing a lot of my favorite writers drop out of the fandom, for whatever reasons. I really appreciate the new folks taking up the torch, go check them out!

About Nov 2

Nov. 2nd, 2016 01:34 pm
ithuriel788: beetle (beetle)

Season 12 spoiler
Read more... )

ithuriel788: beetle (beetle)

1. Who ARE these people?

2. Why was landing in the Middle Ages such a dealbreaker for Clea, unless the show is suggesting that Europe was the only inhabited part of the planet between the fifth and fifteenth centuries? And even if it was, am I to believe a powerful witch wouldn't be able to throw up a glamour to appear any way she wanted to? Their real problem is going to be their horrible accents.

3. I really appreciate that Crowley and Rowena still loathe each other. I like it that Lucifer may have bought in to Chuck's excuses for lousy parenting, while Crowley never fell for Rowena's.

4. Ever since the boys got the bunker, I have worried about them losing it. Considering the role of fire in their lives, and the fact that the bunker contains a library, and the fact that every single baddie in their universe knows about it, I worry a lot about it burning down. When Amara showed up, I was more worried about the real estate than the characters.

5. On seeing the Mark appear on Sam's arm, I realized that, somebody, somewhere, is going to be writing threesome Sam/Dean Amara fic . . . unless they already have

6. Am I the only one who wished Amara had said, "No, he's just mostly dead"?

7. Did Chuck really dump Becky Rosen because of her "vibrant sexuality?" And how does Sam feel about being "rebound guy" for God?

7A. The fist time we met Becky, Chuck contacted her to convey a message (to the Winchesters). Angels are messengers. The last we heard of her, she had uploaded the unpublished Winchester gospels. If this show had any continuity, she would be the next Scribe of God.

8. I'm going to go watch Ghostfacers now.

Also, I would like to thank [ profile] borgmama1of5 for pointing me towards some good reviewers/recappers*) because frankly, reading reviews was more enjoyable than most of what I watched this season.

[ profile] hells_half_acre
[ profile] caranfindel
[ profile] ash48
[ profile] gaelicspirit

ithuriel788: beetle (beetle)

Updates/Additions to Suicidal Sam - Compendium I - May 2, 2016

15 stories added:


And The Light Shows How Broken You Are by Celestialfeathers
This is Sam Winchester's life. Take it as you will.

A Second To Last Chance by AngstyAly
Sam Winchester shot himself nine years ago, leaving Adam and Dean to pick up the pieces of their lives and take on their father's hunt for the yellow-eyed demon. Now they've been zapped back into the past, just in time to stop their teenage brother from pulling the trigger. WIP

Doesn't go to Stanford AU

Fade by InTheCompanyOfDragons Sam knows he has dreams outside of hunting... His escape is the acceptance letter in the bottom of his bag. But he can't leave his family. His choice to stay leads to a whole new world of pain for the Winchester's, leaving them to wonder of Sam should have left his family behind him. finished May 1 2016 :)


Five Times Dean Doesn't Kill Sam and One Time Sam Begs Him to (again) by sarahjeanne21<5 + 1 set in season 5, directly from the point they're zapped onto the plane. There are some miscommunication after the voicemail, Sam thinks Dean wants to kill him. WIP

Testing Lucifer's promise

Come On, Oblivion by gothpandaotaku
Dean's left him, and well... Sam has nothing but Oblivion to look forward to.

Each Our Own Devil by [ profile] tohereandnow (also here)
I will kill myself before letting you in. And I'll just bring you back. Sam takes Lucifer at his word and Dean kills monsters. They learn that they keep each other human. Set primarily after 5x03 and 5x04.

Knocking on Death's Door by [ profile] dark_shadow85Sam's depressed after he finds out he's Lucifer vessel. During Dean's time in the future. Sam decides to test Lucifer's theory and see if he really will bring him back, but the angels find him first and refuse for the 'tainted one' to complete such a sinful action. Once Dean comes back and tries to call Sam, Sam doesn't answer.

It Ends When You Can't Take It Anymore

Crazy by gothpandaotaku
Post 7x2 "Hello Cruel World. Hallucifer encourages Sam to put a bullet in his head one more time. This time, Sam listens.
Dean has other ideas.

Skin by DeansUnderageBoyfriend
Dean left Sam alone at another trashy motel. That's alright with Sam, until Lucifer starts taunting him. He can handle it though, he just needs to hold out until Dean gets back. Right?


Nothing But The Truth by glowystars325
While on a hunt, Sam accidentally gets more than he bargained for when he asked for the truth.

Sam and the Eternal Quest for Absolution by sarahjeanne21
Sam's guilt is eating him inside out and he likes his brother a little too much. WIP


Fallout by [ profile] hwficjournal
From Prompt: I want Cas! Lucifer raping Sam in the bunker. I want Lucifer taunting Sam how it is his fault that he had to possess Castiel because he wouldn't say yes. I want Dean finding Sam later battered and raped. Then I want a lot of hurt Sam and comforting Dean. If you can throw an attempted suicide there it'd be awesome but it isn't necessary.

None of the Above ALL of the Above

Deep in the Meadow by AFlushedKindOfLover
If Sam was quite honest with himself, there were a lot of things he was afraid of. Losing Dean, losing his autonomy, relapsing on demon blood.
But really, the worst thing he was afraid of was himself.

Let It Go by anon
From prompt:When Sam stepped out of hunting after the leviathans, he thought he was making the right call. Everyone gets to retire sometime, right? Even priests? He'd served an eternity of torture in Hell, come out of it only watch his entire family killed - even people like his grandfather he'd never had a chance to know. Lost his mind when the only angel he believed in broke it wide open. Fought evil so huge and powerful that destroying it took away his father figure, took away his brother, took away the angel, took away his future - he couldn't even go into any big city after the killing spree the leviathans had gone on wearing his and Dean's faces. Back at the height of being crazy, he'd wanted to kill himself, and the feeling had never really gone away, of being trapped, doomed. He couldn't kill himself, that would be unforgivable, might even send him back to hell. Dean was already getting his retirement up in heaven; surely Sam deserved the same on earth?

But apparently, he thought wrong. Dean's words cut him to the core; there's no out of this life, there's never going to get to be one. Dean doesn't need him, can barely stand to be around him, told him in one year a monster was better at being a brother than him. So Sam's done the unforgivable already; what's one more unforgivable thing?

Someone - Cas, Benny, Kevin, even Dean - realizes how close Sam is to killing himself, and how starved he's been for feeling loved and valued. Can be sex or just kissing and physical contact.

Sam in the Fog by [ profile] excoyote(also here)

Sam feels distant and disconnected from his emotions. He decides to end his life. Dean brings him back to himself.

Updates/Additions to the Suicidal!Sam Compendium II

Added 1 story.

It Ends When You Can't Take It Anymore

Unsteady by HalfwayToHell
Soon after Sam's soul is returned to his body and he becomes plagued with hallucinations of Lucifer, Sam isn't sure how much longer he can take it. Sam doesn't see a reason to keep fighting anymore and this leaves Dean ripped open.

ithuriel788: beetle (beetle)
Ok, not exactly a theme. Honorable mention, maybe? Here are two suicidal!Sam stories that play out on Thanksgiving.*

untitled by [ profile] reading_is_in for this ohsam prompt: Dean's actions in "Southern Comfort" send Sam spiraling back into his season five headspace. On Thanksgiving, he decides to kill himself and Dean walks in just before he can do it.

Choices by rainbobetty on AO3, for the same prompt.
Sam hadn’t made mistakes. He’d made choices. Now, with the gun pointed at his head, there was really only one clear choice left to make.

*USA Thanksgiving, because that's what the boys would know. I am aware Canada has one, too. I suppose J2 have spent so much time in Vancouver that they must celebrate both!
ithuriel788: beetle (beetle)

10 stories added, plus: New Category! All of the Above

A special note on [ profile] sammehsayum's Baba O'Riley and Eleanor Rigby Walk Into a Bar, because I feel like I need to explain why this is only just now getting on the list.
I don't list stories unless I've actually read them. I'd never read Baba..., despite the fact that every single person who tags or recs suicidal!sam includes this story. I was put off 1) by the title and 2) the fact that it was so popular . . . I harbor deep suspicions about anything that is very popular . . . which was pretty dumb in this case; I should have trusted my fellow suicidal!sam aficionados! I never even got the hint after reading and enjoying her excellent (eating-disordered!sam) Brittle. Anyway, it is here, go read it!

Also, thoughts on Season 10/Season 11 based stories:
I find it interesting that when we finally got what we've all been craving - a whole filmed scene of Sam doggedly carving himself up with a knife, for Dean's own good - there weren't a whole lot of writers picking that up and running with it. A few, sure, but not many. I'm wondering if having it up there on screen somehow sucked the joy out of it all.
Haven't seen any suicidal!sam/Season 11 fic yet (please share if you know any!) - but it seems to me the looming Empty should be really appealing to Sam. As much as I love all things suicidal!sam, I do have to question why someone would commit suicide if he was 100% certain that Hell existed and was 99% sure that that was where he was headed. But oblivion is another thing entirely. And knowing Dean can't drag him back would be a huge plus.


What You Don't Know by Quiet Crash
Dean comes back from Purgatory and finds his brother domesticated and withdrawn from the hunting life. Naturally he jumps to the conclusion that Sam abandoned him to find his cursed normal while Dean fought for his life. He should have known not to assume anything when it came to his little brother.

Testing Lucifer's promise

Cognitive Realignment by Blue_Jay
To Sam, Dean is everything he needs and doesn't need to be. The amulet showed that and when Sam needed verification that what was going on in his head was really just his imagination, all he had to do was look to his brother and it was there, a constant reminder. And it was always with them, every second of every day.
Until it wasn't.

I started the Apocalypse

Last Good Deed by sometimesspn
After Dean goes to Hell, Sam just wants to do one thing right. And then there's Ruby. And then there's blood. And he just wants to do one thing right. And then Lucifer's out. And he figures it out.

It Ends When You Can't Take It Anymore

Always Keep Fighting by sammiephillips
Sam's being tormented by Lucifer in Bobby's panic room and Dean deals with the aftermath.

Sympathy for the Devil by FloofeyMarshmallow
Dean walked into the bathroom and did not see what he expected to see. Sam, his baby brother, Sammy, was laying on the ground, unconscious with blood pouring from his wrist at an alarming rate.

The Penny Dropped

Be Free by Lady_Akuma_Wolf
AU from end of Southern Comfort. Sam takes Dean's words to heart, his mind throwing in its own two cents. Believing it is what will make Dean happy, Sam runs and becomes untraceable until it is almost too late. Dean calls in any help he can to find his brother, including angelic assistance. But finding someone with the knowledge Sam has, and who doesn't want to be found, the remaining members of Team Free Will better pull out all the stops, and fast. Sastiel

What You Don't Know by Quiet Crash
Dean comes back from Purgatory and finds his brother domesticated and withdrawn from the hunting life. Naturally he jumps to the conclusion that Sam abandoned him to find his cursed normal while Dean fought for his life. He should have known not to assume anything when it came to his little brother.


Baba O'Riley and Eleanor Rigby Walk Into a Bar by [ profile] sammehsayum
When Dean Winchester was four years old he almost lost his younger brother for the first time to a fire. When Dean Winchester was eighteen he almost lost his brother a second time to a full bathtub and a pack of sleeping pills, citing some decidedly unbrotherly feelings in his suicide note. At twenty-two he's about to lose him for a third time to Stanford University.

Remove All The Pieces One By One by Blue_Jay
"I've been watching to make sure you won't kill yourself since you were twelve. I haven't really succeeded either."

None of the Above All of the Above

Because reasons. ALL the reasons.

Coping by HCAddict
S10. Sam ponders some of the hurtful things Dean has said over the years. He feels hopeless.

No Dominion by [ profile] center_galaxy
Sam's lost a lot of things in his life--his chance at a normal life, his lovers, and now his health--but with Sarah's death weighing on him, he's also losing hope. It's up to Dean to change that.

Shots by gothpandaotaku
After the events of Dark Dynasty Sam comes to the realization, with the help of a bottle of whiskey, that he can't watch another person he cares about die. So he'll take the one to blame out of the equation: himself.

None of the Above

Sticks and Stones by [ profile] center_galaxy
Words can never be unsaid. Choices can never be unmade. And forgiveness is never as easy as saying sorry.

Updates/Additions to the Suicidal!Sam Compendium II

Added 6 stories.

It Ends When You Can't Take It Anymore

Screaming Silence by whovianonakayak
With the devil in his mind, Sam can't take it anymore. Will Sam's life end at the end of a gun, and will he be behind the trigger?

None of the Above

In The Old House On The Corner by ErinisMagic
In the old house on the corner, there lived a man...

Lethe by Nicolive
It had the power to drown people, to let them die in peace, wiping away their memories of life, and taking away the threat of Hell or Heaven. If you died in the river Lethe, you would truly die in peace, never to feel the sting of your soul moving on.

Over the Edge by EstrellaQueAdmiro
Sam is beating himself up over Charlie's death and Dean is piling on the blame. But how much can the younger Winchester take?

Something You Can't Replace by Er-BearG32
What happens if more was said between Sam and Dean at the end of episode 9x13? Sam never expected his brother to react the way he did, but once more hurtful words are spoken between them, there's no taking them back.

The Darkness in Sam Winchester by CallaLee
Sam has finally taken the last steps toward the end of his life.

ithuriel788: beetle (beetle)
Spoilers )
ithuriel788: beetle (beetle)
1) There is nothing new on spn_kinkmeme Pinboard. This is due to no fault of the generous contributors or mods, but only to my habit of checking it for updates upwards of twenty times a day.

2) If there is something new, it is not my kink.

3) If there is something new, and it is my kink, it is WIP.

4) If there is something new, and it is my kink, and it is not WIP, it is nice and long and well-written and I am walking out the door and don't have time to read it!
ithuriel788: beetle (beetle)
Updates/Additions to the Suicidal!Sam Compendium I

10 stories added:


Punching in a dream by Felix Felicious
After being told he can't go to Stanford, Sam is found with his wrists slit in an apparent suicide attempt. Only thing is, he doesn't remember doing it.

Can't Stop the Music

Count for the Sacrifice by Welcome to my House of Mirrors
Routine. The human brain's self-preservation at its finest. When Dean decides to add 'die' to the daily schedule, Sam has to make some adjustments to his.

Dean Would be Better Off

To End a Life by dragongurl713
Six days spent thinking about the gun tucked in his waistband and what it would taste like.

Testing Lucifer's Promise

Fixing the Damage by FictionalNutter
Based on a prompt about Sam getting poisoned while he and Dean are at odds. Dean is gone, and Castiel is the one to come to the rescue.

On the Inverted Undoing of a Boy King by sarahjeanne21
“Dean?” His voice was groggy and wrecked, and Dean wondered if he’d just woken up from slitting his wrists again.


A Pretty Good Day by Winnie_Chester
This is the way Sam’s world ends.

None of the Above

Just a year by RandomActsofSambriel
The leaves fell off the trees, they look dead. I can't help but be a little jealous.

One Last Candle (to Keep Out the Night) by Bates
Sam Winchester was lost. Lost big time. He once had his brother to help him when he really wasn't in a good place, but now? Now even Dean is gone. With Dean gone and Gabriel gone too, he just doesn't know what to do.
Terrified of his own thoughts, he writes a letter to Gabriel, bringing back memories he hoped he'd never have to face again.

The End by cucoo4cas
10x17 coda. Sam realizes there was more help in Metatron's words than not. He sneaks out of the bunker in a desperate attempt to save Dean's life.

Unfreeze by WinchesterPooja. Also here.
He almost doesn't get out of bed again; because he's tired — too tired, and his bones, and fingers, and hair are tired. His soul is tired.

Updates/Additions to the Suicidal!Sam Compendium II

Added 2 stories.

None of the Above

Lethe by Nicolive
It had the power to drown people, to let them die in peace, wiping away their memories of life, and taking away the threat of Hell or Heaven. If you died in the river Lethe, you would truly die in peace, never to feel the sting of your soul moving on.

Something You Can't Replace by Er-BearG32
What happens if more was said between Sam and Dean at the end of episode 9x13? Sam never expected his brother to react the way he did, but once more hurtful words are spoken between them, there's no taking them back.

ithuriel788: beetle (beetle)
I'm not big on gimmicky tee-shirts for myself, and I prefer to try to blend in at the gym, but this one is tempting.

Run like . . .
ithuriel788: beetle (beetle)

For the rest of the suicidal!sam hoard, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium I Home.
For updates to suicidal!sam death!fic, see here.

NEW CATEGORY! - "Can't Stop the Music (Heat of the Moment)" - here be stories related to Mystery Spot.

Harsh Realities by [ profile] hellesofbelles
I'm all you need by obliviousworlds
Stay Still by supercellchaser
The Most Important Thing by 50boys
Why Did You Do It by I Love Supernatural

9 stories added:

Can't Stop the Music

Over and Over and Over Again by [ profile] center_galaxy
He still dreams about it.

Redux by [ profile] center_galaxy
If there is a way to break out of here and save Dean, then he has to take it, right?

Testing Lucifer's Promise

Hindsight 20-20 by The Bookkeeper (also here)
Being in the same room isn't the same as being together. Someone decides that Dean needs a little extra kick to get him back in gear with his brother before it's too late.

The Lucifer Problem by FictionalNutter
Dean and Sam try to make it work, but after Heaven, it becomes clear to Dean that it would be best to separate. Sam decides to let Dean stop the apocalypse, while Sam takes on the Lucifer problem. After all, if Lucifer doesn't have a true vessel to take, he'll be that much easier to defeat. Sam goes off the grid, and not even Castiel can find him.


The Dark Interior Life of Sam Winchester by Winnie_Chester
Sam spent a lot of time imagining how he would kill himself. It was the most fucked up thing he did, which is saying something for someone who got off at least once a week while imagining his brother’s perfect lips wrapped around his cock.

None of the Above

Fade To Black by AElizabeth
John is dead, leaving both his sons grief-stricken and confused. They slowly make their way to Sioux Falls where Dean begins to heal with the help of Bobby and his beloved Impala. Sam, though, is silently spiralling into despair and he can only hold on for so long.

Get Hurt by [ profile] safiyabat
"I'm going to go get my brother some cholesterol. And then I'm going to go get drunk."

I'm holding a gun to my head (and I think I might pull the trigger) by MinaRosette
He's done some terrible things. He's hurt people, broken families, betrayed people who trusted him. People he loved. Maybe Dean was right. Maybe he is a monster. He wonders if a bullet will fix it all.

Sammy's Problem by himqwerty
Sam was beaten by John as a kid, and since then has cut himself to relieve the pain. This time, he decides to end it all. Can Dean save him again, this time from himself?

Wrung Out by [ profile] themegalosaurus (also here)
Even both times Dean had died since then, Sam hadn’t really managed to cry.
ithuriel788: beetle (beetle)

Updates/Additions to the Suicidal!Sam Compendium II

Added 4 stories.


Dripping Blood by Miss221B
"Please," was all he could think, "please don't take my baby brother away from me. Don't take him away. My Sam. My Sammy. My little brother. My baby, God PLEASE!"

It ends when you can't take it anymore

Sam's Last Hallucination by hopelessfangirl
Just an angsty little one-shot about Lucifer using Dean to push Sam to the edge of insanity.

None of the Above

I am Human (And I Will Let You Down) by Enbyfriend_98
He would not cry because his brother had killed himself and Dean didn’t know why.

no more pain only freedom by SnarryMoreidLover
Sam has always felt like he didn't belong with his family and that everyone was better off without him this his his life story on why he wasn't worth it

ithuriel788: beetle (beetle)
(and all I got were these lousy Enochian sigils)

A Brother To Be Proud Of by Micaiah
I'm doing what I should have done the day the hell hounds came for you.

And He Shall Lead You Home by [ profile] lissa_ann (also here)
If the knife could kill demons, then it could kill him as well, as close to a demon as any human could be.

Burn Your Name by [ profile] smash86
A demon kidnaps Sam and tortures him when he's at his lowest. Sam, being Sam, thinks he deserves it after all he's done.

Bye, Sam by Britt Kay (also here)
"G'bye, Dean." Sam whispered into the night as he raised the gun to his head

Dark Dreams, Darker Destinies by vlbuelhe
What if Dean wasn't the only one who got a preview of coming attractions in "The End?"

Detox by [ profile] no_candle_mom
Sam lowered his head and nodded slightly. “He… Adam said that you’d be better off without me,” he admitted in a whisper.

For You, Id Do Anything by HappyBlushCalayapie
Sam didn't know Lilith as the final seal, and now, thinking of himself as a failure as a human being, is about to kill himself, when Lucifer shows up at his hotel room with flowers and love in his eyes.

I Have Dreamed of Hope Departed by [ profile] eveofnigh
Sam’s irredeemable, his sins too black to be forgiven.

Jumping Waves by Sunny33
Then I see that he's holding the Colt.

Just To Get A Glimpse Beyond This Illusion by ALostEcho98
'The road to hell is paved with good intentions.' He knows that now.

If There Be Thorns by supercellchaser
'Self loathing ate through Sam night and day. As he and Dean fought more and more, Sam hated himself more and more. Hated his life more and more. Wanted it to end more and more.' Sam/Castiel H/C.

Last Good Deed by sometimesspn

After Dean goes to Hell, Sam just wants to do one thing right. And then there's Ruby. And then there's blood. And he just wants to do one thing right. And then Lucifer's out. And he figures it out.

Sinking to the Floor by A Thing For Brothers
Knowing Dean was out there somewhere, hunting him, Sam knew he had to just end it himself.

The darkness within by die Autorin
It was already too late to be saved, so Sam should do what Dean couldn't do. It would be a win-win situation after all.WIP long

Work to Do by [ profile] annie46
After the events of ‘Lucifer Rising’ – Sam just wants to have peace.

You're Stuck With Me by TrekkieL
Sam can't cope with being a hunter anymore, so decides to end his life. As he places the barrel to his temple, he apologises to Gabriel, not realising the Archangel can actually hear him. Gabriel is less than happy with Sam, and attempts to help him by sharing a winter memory. Established Sabriel. Some Destiel.

For other flavors of suicidal!sam, or to leave comments, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium I Home
For suicidal!sam death!fic, go to Suicidal!sam Compendium II


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